Afternoon Tea, Anna Russell, and the Heart of Women Mentoring Women

We have a lady named Anna Russell in the early 1800’s to thank for afternoon tea. She was a duchess and close friend of Queen Victoria. During this time it was common for people to eat a very light breakfast, and then a very late 8-9pm dinner. The Dutchess, being a woman after my own heart said, “This will never do.”, and described a “sinking feeling” in the afternoon. The duchess began requesting tea, bread and butter, and small cakes be brought to her in private. Before long, she began inviting her friends over to join in on her little afternoon snack, and by the end of the Victorian Era afternoon tea was a full social agenda. I would like to hope that during these social gatherings there was a significant amount of mentorship and life being spoken into one another, with little gossip and slander but perhaps that is wishful thinking. Nonetheless, that brings us to what I would like to discuss today and that is women mentoring women.

Qualities of a Sound Church Titus 2:1-5;

2 But as for you, speak the things which are proper for sound doctrine: 2 that the older men be sober, reverent, temperate, sound in faith, in love, in patience; 3 the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things— 4 that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.

There is a phrase that I waited and waited to use in my motherhood journey. One that makes you feel authoritative, in control, and empowered. Our oldest was blessed with it first and each of my children have heard it since. “ I AM YOUR MOTHER, I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND”. And I meant it! At that moment my job was not to be liked, but rather to raise, correct, guide, and sometimes say “no” when nobody wanted to hear it. 

But here is what I have learned:
Those same people, including myself, that once needed clear direction, begin to need connection. Adult women are  no exception. Somewhere along the way I realized it isn’t either/or anymore. It becomes both. I mean doesn't it feel like sometimes we are still trying to raise each other? I’m nearly 40 and I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up! You’re still a guide, but now you are a companion, Still a voice of reason, but also a safe place to land. Sweet ladies, perhaps I can be mother, sister, friend, and a small voice of reason rooted in the love of Jesus throughout our friendship. 

Let’s talk about how mentorship is about guidance and relationships. These are not designed as categories to choose from, but rather I encourage you to find your place in both.

Being a Mentor

You don’t have to have all the answers.

Lead with humility, not perfection. There is not a qualifying moment in order for you to be a mentor. Even Mary, the mother of Jesus, lost Jesus for 3 days.

Luke 2:41-48

41 His parents went to Jerusalem every year at the Feast of the Passover. 42 And when He was twelve years old, they went up to Jerusalem according to the custom of the feast. 43 And when they had finished the days, as they returned, the Boy Jesus lingered behind in Jerusalem. And [a]Joseph and His mother did not know it; 44 but supposing Him to have been in the company, they went a day’s journey, and sought Him among their relatives and acquaintances. 45 So when they did not find Him, they returned to Jerusalem, seeking Him. 46 Now it was that after three days they found Him in the temple, sitting in the midst of the teachers, both listening to them and asking them questions. 47 And all who heard Him were astonished at His understanding and answers. 48 So when they saw Him, they were amazed; and His mother said to Him, “Son, why have You done this to us? Look, Your father and I have sought You anxiously.”

If she didn’t have every moment figured out I can’t imagine that we will either. So breathe easy sister, you don’t have to have it all together, or every answer to be a great mentor. Sisterhood - walking together through life is sometimes the greatest answer.

Taking care of your body, mind, and soul modeling a whole and healthy life.

Mentorship flows from overflow, not exhaustion. If you are running on empty you cannot pour into others. I’m not talking about seasons with toddlers, or illness, but rather long term neglect of your temple. People will learn more from what you live by than what you say. So demonstrating a life rooted in the word of God speaks volumes.  I regularly share with ladies “ I don’t think you are lazy, I just don’t think you have a plan”. Planning the care of yourself, from physical to spiritual, is a requirement to serve your home and others well.

Be Intentional

This is not a to-do list. Mentorship is relational, not transactional. It is not about checking boxes - it’s about cultivating growth in someone’s life. Jesus WAlKED WITH his disciples. He lived with them, ate with them, he invested EVERYTHING into them and for them all the way to the cross. Be present, not just available. Listen more than you lecture. This life on life.

8 So, affectionately longing for you, we were well pleased to impart to you not only the gospel of God, but also our own lives, because you had become dear to us.

1 Thessalonians 2:8

Let's switch gears into Being Mentored. Mentorship doesn’t work because someone is willing to lead, It works because someone is willing to follow.

Be teachable, not just available.

This requires a posture of humility and not defensiveness. If you already know what you are going to say, before the other person has stopped talking, you are not listening.  Growth does not happen when we’re right, it happens when we’re willing to be defined.

Proverbs 1:5

A wise man will hear and increase learning,

And a man of understanding will attain wise counsel.

Be honest where you are.

When we hide our struggles, we limit how deeply someone can pour into our lives. The one thing you may be keeping to yourself may be the one thing keeping barriers from being broken. Real transformation happens with real transparency. Sharing more than just your polished victories invites another person into the messy parts of your life. The reality is for me sometimes I need someone to tell me “Go eat a snack, and take a nap”. Does anyone else miss timeout? When did we decide that timeout is only for children?

Be faithful to apply what you have learned.

The value of mentorship is proven in application. Mentors will continue to invest where there is fruit being produced. Applying what you’re taught will multiply the impact of your relationship and build life long trust. There is a fine line between helping and enabling. Some days a pat on the back is what you need, but other days what you need is a friend who can safely speak the hard truth into your life.

Closing:

Mentorship isn’t about one strong woman leading a weaker woman. It is about two women walking together both growing, both learning, and both depending on God. It is not about perfection,  endless energy, or completing a salvation check list of good stewardship. It is about faithfully investing in someone else’s life while leaning on the grace of God.

Call to action:

Ladies, let’s practice what we’ve talked about—invite a sister for tea, share a real struggle, offer to walk alongside someone this month, or simply reach out and say, “Can I pray with you?” Small, intentional steps create the sisterhood we long for.